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A magazine writer says motherhood transformed her into a better worker and person. It may well have done, but not having children is absolutely fine—and we should celebrate that choice as loudly. Forget the Mommy Wars. Yes, moms still—and will—continue to battle over which parenting styles produced the happier, smarter, better-adjusted tots.
But that has apparently distracted from the larger war, the undercurrent of tensions and judgment between those who have children and those who do not. Breeding is the ultimate line in the sand. Havrilesky trots out a variation of what young women have been told since widely accessible birth control has made motherhood a choice: No, you don't need to have kids, but they will make you a more complete, fulfilled person and drag your immature butt into adulthood.
I mean, it was your choice to buy shoes that expensive. Havrilesky outlines how having her children forced her to focus, budget her time, and prioritize. She makes it abundantly clear that in contrast to the stereotype that parents, especially moms, are the office equivalent of harried drone bees who can neither make money nor hold a conversation about anything other than the Wiggles, having children can exert a positive influence, both professionally and socially.
Even more impressively, after her second child Havrilesky published a memoir--an achievement most writers only fantasize about or, more accurately, bitterly covet. Kids force you to focus on the things you love yes, like your kids!
But other things, too! In short, kids are what teach you to be responsible, well-balanced, and highly competent.
However, she never quite acknowledges that there are lots of ways to develop these critical skills for being a valuable employee and an all-around thoughtful person. The implication is that having children is some essential key to leading a truly mature life as a functioning adult—and one cannot achieve this ultimate state without progeny. Oscar-winner Marisa Tomei railed against this pervasive belief during an interview with Manhattan Magazine in Last year, the Federal Reserve Bank of St.
Louis released the of a year study showing women with children were more productive in the workplace than those who had none. No doubt, we have a long way to go in improving work-life balance for parents: increases in maternity and paternity leaveestablishing flexible work hours, and debating whether or not employers should cover egg freezing are all important. To add insult to injury, it is often forgotten is that this improvement is most critical when it comes to low-income families where parents tend to work in less tony and supportive blue-collar industries Women want sex Bronston holding a job while raising kids is often not a choice, but a necessity.
We are moving away from the perception that parents, especially mothers, are a drain on the office and not as capable or valuable as their childless colleagues.
But they do fall along similar battle lines of the pro-children camp. She seems to be under the impression that women in their 20s and 30s have concerns about motherhood that are in major need of myth-busting.
On the other, this argument is based in an underlying, patronizing assumption that, of course, we want. We just need a little encouragement to overcome our misgivings. They question why motherhood is the default, why they must offer a robust argument for not having children, rather than the other way around. While Havrilesky makes it clear she respects this choice, these women who choose not to have children are the ones most in need of the cheerleaders.
Yes, more women are speaking writing about their decisions not to have kids, but they face an ocean of pressure coming from families, friends, movies, television, and books. Moreover, they often face obstacles from doctors who refuse to perform tubal ligations out of the fear women in their 20s will eventually come to regret their decision. Such regret is, apparently, considered more worthy of intervention than the regret of an unwanted pregnancy. Luckily for me, society backs up this desire.
You know who does? The coworker, the childhood friend, the girl on the subway who know they do not want kids and are in search of role models.
Motherhood has everything on its side, including a fully stocked propaganda machine devoted to its sustenance—chosen or not childlessness, and its many nuances, not so much. Crossword Newsletters. TECH Disinformation. Emily Shire. Updated Apr. But this stereotype is already being rectified through the best way possible: hard research. Media outlets happily jumped on the study to cheer-lead working mothers.
But what if some women are quite content to embrace these misgivings? A woman who does not want children is up against so much more than a woman who does.Women want sex Bronston
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